How do they say it? Stick it to the man?

This is it then I guess. Time to make some changes in life are again about to happen. These things have been happening quite often lately. For a person who seeks stability and security in knowing what will happen next, these things aren't always that pleasant. But they sure feel exciting, if that's the word that fits there.

Things I plan on going though are certainly out of my comfort zone and perhaps that is why it feel like that, trying something I usually wouldn't do. As I've mentioned in the previous post, the easiest and most comfortable way is to keep doing what you're doing even if you're not doing what you want. Or maybe even dislike what you're doing. Putting up with that is still easier than to stand up and make some changes.

My mind always things that change is something negative, that making something differently will make things even worse and by not doing anything I at least know what I'll be stuck with. To see things differently, to make the reasonable part of my brain to kick in, that's when things don't seem to be as bad as one may think. I mean sure, change can make things worse, but on the other hand, why the heck wouldn't it bring a positive change. Situation is pretty grim as it is, so basically doing something different is perhaps a lot more reasonable as there is a greater chance of things becoming better and less chance of things becoming even worse. If things would be as they should be, there would be no need for a change. Right? I certainly think so.

If current positive-to-negative ratio is low, why not just cut the negative out of it a bit? That still makes the ratio better even if we don't get any more of the positive in. If I worry about work related things while those work related things don't really bring me any positives, why should I keep on getting the negatives without getting any of the positives? I'm not losing anything if I cut out the negatives, except the negatives. No reason to worry about something I get nothing out of.

Maybe my way of thinking isn't exactly right, but I tend to look at things in a way where I see what I get in exchange for putting my energy into it. Is my personal gain big enough for me to bother with it or should I just let it go. That seems to be happening a lot when dealing with people. For example if I'm invited somewhere, where I have to drive for a while and make myself look nice, does the feedback from that event make the trip worthwhile. Craving a social fix can sometime be pretty bothersome, but going to a social event with expectations of getting that fix is met with disappointment in many cases. At least in my case that happens often. Again, it's probably "it's me, not you" situation so I don't really get that much into that and just leave it as it is and move on. Some people are just not up to par with the way I look at things. And I say that with as little ego as possible, honestly.

What does that leave a person with? Well, not a butt load of friends and companions, that's for sure. But that's okay, one doesn't really need that many people around. Sure, there are those who need to have people around so that they get the loads of attention and confirmation from their peers. It helps with masking that person's insecurities and does no good in regards of personal improvement and overcoming those weaknesses.

What I think, is that a person should have a fistful of people close to them and those people to be an actual support and help with overcoming the difficulties. They should guide you, help you with discussing options and not making decisions for you. Of course you should do the same for them, but given the situation, you're most likely doing that already or would do it naturally as it is without even thinking about it.

That is, in my eyes, something worth striving for, that makes the trip worthwhile and ables you to fill those social fix gauges a bit more, than just some group activity with shallow and boring people.

Hm.. Looks like I digressed quite a bit once more so I better just stop and keep it at that.

Now lets go get myself fired, shall we.

Stay warm and snugly!

-Gi

Are options in life merely a cointoss?

I could start this by saying that we make choices at each footstep and deciding upon things is something we do so common it's not really worth of mentioning at a given point. Although that is true, there are still things we can't exactly decide upon at a blink of an eye. I can't at least, sadly, as it'd be pretty damn nice to do that and just get on with it. Done deal, move on.

I'm more focusing on choices we have to take and which can most likely drastically change course of our every day life. I am a man of routine for the most part, I like to stick to it, I hate breaking it or adjusting it as it angers me often if something unexpected interrupts the planned course of things, even if it's nothing important. Now there's a part of me which wants to break that routine by implementing some new things into the game or just rearranging the existing ones.

And then there comes a point where the change is so drastic or has such an impact that can cause the whole routine to change. Perhaps it's a welcoming change since I'm not always content with how mine plays out each day, it has certain elements I don't to keep up with, yet I have to as they provide me with necessities. 

There's the catch for many people I've met. Those parts provide them with means though which they can live out their daily lives. By now you've most likely figured out I'm talking about a job position or any other activity that generates income which is used to live from day to day. Nowadays this is considered a luxury in a way, because there's so many people who don't have any source of an income and live a difficult life because of it. I'm not going into the direction of why we have such a situation because no matter how much it's discussed, it's still a moot point in the end and doesn't make any difference.

Let's return back to the topic of making choices again. I think that no matter how bad the situation is, there's always options a person has to pick from. Granted, they're not always the best options and the selection might be bleak, but they're still choices. I don't want this come out the wrong way, but the thought of utilising a rope in an attic tends to give me certain hint of comfort in case everything goes down the drain so badly and that would become a valid next step (and last) to take.

But that situation is nowhere near yet, it's just an options after a long series of what ifs. What that is however, is an easy way out. Well, it appears easy at the moment since it's the one that doesn't really have to be taken and is easy to talk about. And so we come to the part about making those choices.

You have several options and you contemplate which one would be the best at the given time. So which one is the best then? When you have a seemingly obvious answer at hand, that's no problem. Depends on the type of a person you are. If you like security, you're most likely going to take those 20 dollars offered now than invest another 5 which might bring you 50 dollars later on. Immediate satisfaction is a powerful motivator, hence the 20 dollars now option seems appealing. But I digress...

Things become more difficult when the options aren't as obvious anymore. For example I've been given options on whether I want to stick to the workplace I am now, which pays poorly (if even) and take on some work which I don't really want to do (and probably leads nowhere again) in order to justify my position, which I'm not happy with either. What would that provide, is a sense of security (mind I say sense because after all this time there hasn't really been much of that at all) and it would keep the routine I'm currently in going. I think that would be the easier option to take, but probably not the best one. I'd remain part of the system I am now well familiar with and that's what scares me with this option. After all this time, I've been a witness to so much bullshit and lies and empty words, that even I'm getting tired of it (and I spend a lot of time online, granting me a pretty decent tolerance to that). So many things have been promised, said and so little has been done that I've lost all trust in the matter.

I was reluctant to say and give an answer at that point but was asked what would I want to do. Where do I see myself or doing what? Now that's a simple question I have not yet figured out an answer to. I do know I don't want to be doing what I'm doing at the moment, or perhaps other factors made me resent the work that's being done here.

I'm not sure about this one and it bothers me even further since I don't know if I dislike this work because of work itself, or because of the circumstances around them. Was it just merely misrepresented to me and I dislike it based on that? Am I good at it without even knowing because I have no motivation to give it a second try? I always say first step in fixing something is to find what's there to fix or where the problem lays. Right now, I can't be certain about that, could be a bit of everything.

So now the other possible option is to just leave those offers. Say 'fuck it' and try something completely different. Something I have a better chance of liking and doing it the way that's more suitable for me. Perhaps in 2013 and all this interconnectivity, one doesn't have to subdue the 9 to 5 routine anymore. Especially when you do things online for people around the world. For people who appreciate what you do, for people who you want to do it, because you know they'll like it and tell you so.

--

I'm continuing writing this after a nice little walk, some conversation about the matter with a person who has been though this himself and it seems like this will be the next course of action. The decision has been made and on Monday I sure hope I'll get the ball rolling. There isn't a lot to lose and can mostly just gain things.

After that's done, I will have plenty of spare time again to find some other, more user-friendly way of income. Given enough luck and persistence, surely something will have to turn up. Surely. 

Till next time, stay warm and snugly!

- Gi

My "Hello world" blog post

Alright, I think this will be enough staring at the empty page for now. Time's a wastin'.

What's the point of this blog anyway? There's a lot of blogs out there about pretty much anything I can think of. Well, I think so at least, since I didn't bother checking it out. Let's just say there's no shortage in blogs or any such content nowadays.

So why am I writing this thing exactly? To be honest, I'm writing it for myself mostly. I realise that chances of these lines being actually read by many people are pretty darn slim. But it doesn't really matter. I'm doing this because I think it's a good way to put thought out of the head on some medium and make room for some other thoughts to form. Now if anyone actually does come by, they're encouraged to leave a comment or something, telling me whether I'm wrong or right and most importantly WHY do they think so. It's easy to say one thing, but it's not always easy to back that thing up with words and make sense of it. You can say this is a healthy way of a person venting by putting words on screen.

That covered the 'why' part, now for the 'what' part. What will this blog be about? That is a fine question a common person may ask but unfortunately I can't provide a specific answer. The vague answer will have to do I guess. It's going to be about various things or rather things I'm wrapping my thoughts around (hence the title(s)) at that given moment. This could be something I've had on my mind for a while, or throughout the day or just something I want to write down and hold on to the train of thought to see where it leads me. It's easier to keep track when you place the previous thought down and only seek the next one without the fear of losing the last one.
Think of it as a conversation with myself, because it's not easy finding people in person who'd listen for long enough or perhaps try to keep the thought process going. This is just easier to manage without getting disappointed.

If you happen wonder who is this person writing this? Let me just say you'll most likely figure it out though the course of my other posts. I think if you know and like how the person thinks, other formalities are just that, formalities.

This will be a wrap for the first post. My mind is a bit tired and this servers as a first step into doing something I decided to do a while ago but never really actually got myself to do it.

Here goes, ice has been broken and now on to more victories!

Stay warm and snuggly,

- Gi