I could start this by saying that we make choices at each footstep and deciding upon things is something we do so common it's not really worth of mentioning at a given point. Although that is true, there are still things we can't exactly decide upon at a blink of an eye. I can't at least, sadly, as it'd be pretty damn nice to do that and just get on with it. Done deal, move on.
I'm more focusing on choices we have to take and which can most likely drastically change course of our every day life. I am a man of routine for the most part, I like to stick to it, I hate breaking it or adjusting it as it angers me often if something unexpected interrupts the planned course of things, even if it's nothing important. Now there's a part of me which wants to break that routine by implementing some new things into the game or just rearranging the existing ones.
And then there comes a point where the change is so drastic or has such an impact that can cause the whole routine to change. Perhaps it's a welcoming change since I'm not always content with how mine plays out each day, it has certain elements I don't to keep up with, yet I have to as they provide me with necessities.
There's the catch for many people I've met. Those parts provide them with means though which they can live out their daily lives. By now you've most likely figured out I'm talking about a job position or any other activity that generates income which is used to live from day to day. Nowadays this is considered a luxury in a way, because there's so many people who don't have any source of an income and live a difficult life because of it. I'm not going into the direction of why we have such a situation because no matter how much it's discussed, it's still a moot point in the end and doesn't make any difference.
Let's return back to the topic of making choices again. I think that no matter how bad the situation is, there's always options a person has to pick from. Granted, they're not always the best options and the selection might be bleak, but they're still choices. I don't want this come out the wrong way, but the thought of utilising a rope in an attic tends to give me certain hint of comfort in case everything goes down the drain so badly and that would become a valid next step (and last) to take.
But that situation is nowhere near yet, it's just an options after a long series of what ifs. What that is however, is an easy way out. Well, it appears easy at the moment since it's the one that doesn't really have to be taken and is easy to talk about. And so we come to the part about making those choices.
You have several options and you contemplate which one would be the best at the given time. So which one is the best then? When you have a seemingly obvious answer at hand, that's no problem. Depends on the type of a person you are. If you like security, you're most likely going to take those 20 dollars offered now than invest another 5 which might bring you 50 dollars later on. Immediate satisfaction is a powerful motivator, hence the 20 dollars now option seems appealing. But I digress...
Things become more difficult when the options aren't as obvious anymore. For example I've been given options on whether I want to stick to the workplace I am now, which pays poorly (if even) and take on some work which I don't really want to do (and probably leads nowhere again) in order to justify my position, which I'm not happy with either. What would that provide, is a sense of security (mind I say sense because after all this time there hasn't really been much of that at all) and it would keep the routine I'm currently in going. I think that would be the easier option to take, but probably not the best one. I'd remain part of the system I am now well familiar with and that's what scares me with this option. After all this time, I've been a witness to so much bullshit and lies and empty words, that even I'm getting tired of it (and I spend a lot of time online, granting me a pretty decent tolerance to that). So many things have been promised, said and so little has been done that I've lost all trust in the matter.
I was reluctant to say and give an answer at that point but was asked what would I want to do. Where do I see myself or doing what? Now that's a simple question I have not yet figured out an answer to. I do know I don't want to be doing what I'm doing at the moment, or perhaps other factors made me resent the work that's being done here.
I'm not sure about this one and it bothers me even further since I don't know if I dislike this work because of work itself, or because of the circumstances around them. Was it just merely misrepresented to me and I dislike it based on that? Am I good at it without even knowing because I have no motivation to give it a second try? I always say first step in fixing something is to find what's there to fix or where the problem lays. Right now, I can't be certain about that, could be a bit of everything.
So now the other possible option is to just leave those offers. Say 'fuck it' and try something completely different. Something I have a better chance of liking and doing it the way that's more suitable for me. Perhaps in 2013 and all this interconnectivity, one doesn't have to subdue the 9 to 5 routine anymore. Especially when you do things online for people around the world. For people who appreciate what you do, for people who you want to do it, because you know they'll like it and tell you so.
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I'm continuing writing this after a nice little walk, some conversation about the matter with a person who has been though this himself and it seems like this will be the next course of action. The decision has been made and on Monday I sure hope I'll get the ball rolling. There isn't a lot to lose and can mostly just gain things.
After that's done, I will have plenty of spare time again to find some other, more user-friendly way of income. Given enough luck and persistence, surely something will have to turn up. Surely.
Till next time, stay warm and snugly!
- Gi
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